The Secret to Success in 2009
Posted on | December 29, 2008 | 2 Comments
by Holly Buchanan
Recently a good friend of mine gave me one of those self-help/business fable books to read. They say when someone offers you a breath mint, always accept. I had a feeling this was a similar situation – there was something in this book she felt I needed to hear.
Well, as it turns out, there was one small piece of advice, it wasn’t even a major part of the book, that stunned me with its simplicity and power.
In a nutshell – the advice is: Ask better questions. Give less advice.
If you’re scratching your head….keep reading.
The book is The Power of TED. I won’t go into too many details, but the book looks at the roles we play in life. As marketers and consultants, we often try to play the role of rescuer – we come in with our vast knowledge and experience and give recommendations that save the day.
Here’s the only problem with being a rescuer, you’re implying that someone is powerless and needs to be rescued or fixed. A better choice would be to become what The Power of TED calls a “coach.” What’s the difference?
“A coach’s major contribution is in the questions he asks. Rescuers have a tendency to to tell others what they should do, giving advice or instruction.”
Another way to put it is, are you trying to be a hero, or are you helping your client be a hero?
Let me tell you, giving advice feels great. You get to impart your wisdom to others in need. Frankly, it’s a real ego trip. I get a rush when I come in as a consultant and create a campaign that gets results.
But here’s the rub – my clients that have been happiest are ones who I merely coached. Instead of giving them the answers, I asked questions that let them find the answers themselves.
You’re probably thinking, “But clients are paying me to come up with the answers. That’s how I justify my prices.” I hear you. But clients have even bigger egos than you and I have. If they can feel they are part of the solution, they are going to buy in way more than if you just walk in and tell them what to do.
Use this in your personal life
In my personal life, I find myself constantly giving advice. It’s well meaning and done with the purpose of truly trying to help the other person. But I find that sometimes that advice or instruction isn’t well-received. Well, duh….who likes being looked at as some kind of victim who needs to be fixed?
So, instead of giving advice, I’ve tried asking questions that will cause the person to think and come up with their own insight. Really good therapists will do this. You ask your therapist, “Should I stay with this person or leave him or her?” A good therapist will not give you an answer (don’t you hate that?). But the therapist will ask you questions designed to get you to focus on what you really want, to give you new perspective, so you can ulimately make the decision yourself.
Use this in your professional life
Instead of giving a piece of advice or instruction, ask a question instead. For example – instead of saying “I don’t think men will react to that the same way women do. When you say XYZ to men, they’re going to think this…..” Try this instead “How do you think a man would react to XYZ? What’s his experience? How might the view it differently than a woman?”
I’m telling you, you can’t believe the different response you get. Your client/friend/colleague is now engaged. You are still there with your experience and knowledge to help guide them, but you are giving then the power to join in as a co-creator.
So, I’ll end by taking a little of my own advice – instead of telling you what to do, let me ask you these questions:
In a conversation, professional or personal, how much time do you spend talking and how much time do you spend listening? The best consultants and sales people I know aim for 70% listening, 30% talking.
Would you rather give advice or receive advice? If the answer is give, why? If the person receiving the advice is supposedly the one who gains, why wouldn’t you want to be the one receiving advice?
When you’re giving a presentation, is your main goal for you to feel good or for your audience to feel good?
Which client is more likely to do repeat business with you – the client who feels like they don’t have the answers, but you do? Or the client who feels like they have the answers, but need help and perspective to bring them out? (Really think about this from the client’s point of view. Hint – do you like to be around people who make you feel stupid or people who make you feel smart?)
Ask better questions. Give less advice.
Try this with your clients, colleagues, friends and family.
Wishing you much success in 2009!
Comments
2 Responses to “The Secret to Success in 2009”
Leave a Reply
January 9th, 2009 @ 3:16 pm
Seems John Steinbeck agrees
“No one wants advice—only corroboration.”—John Steinbeck
January 10th, 2009 @ 5:28 pm
Holly, once again, you’re right on! As a Certified Master Coach with 14+ years experience, a coach asking questions instead of giving advice is one of the ways we help our clients discover for themselves their truth, their path, their passion, their best decision or action. This honors the intelligence, capability and inner knowing of the client… which in many ways does more for them in both the short and long term than giving them the answer… at least not without encouraging them to answer first.
Active listening, also known as reflective listening, is another valuable skill. Rather than agreeing with a ‘yes’ or ‘ahuh’ repeating what you heard, like a parrot, or maybe paraphrasing a little, does wonders for the listener. They get to hear someone else say their thoughts out loud. Hearing them from soneone else is so powerful. We feel honored. We hear what our words sound like to others. If we’ve been misunderstood we can clarify. If we realize we’ve left something important out, we can add it. And we get clearer hearing someone else use their language to express our thoughts.
So happy asking great questions and being a great involved listener to all.
Bonnie Dubrow, MBA, CMC